Deck The Halls and Do Your Laundry

What I would give for a front loading, energy efficient, large capacity washer and dryer.  Instead, I have a 15 y.o. set that barely gets the job done and at the time, 3 week’s worth of laundry.  I decided to head over to the laundromat.

I inserted a bazillion quarters into the wash machines and sat down to relax.  As the Christmas music and visions of sugar-plums danced in my head, I saw more than Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.  A girl, propped up on a nearby folding table, incessently made out with her boyfriend.  I thought for sure they’d soon be Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree or moving to the Large Load Speed Queen at the rate they were going.  What Child Is This?  Who knows…all I saw were kids running rampant all over the place playing speed racer with the carts!  Sadly, I realized Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer.  I swear this woman chose to make her hooded coat out of Nana’s drapes.  A beautiful palette of brown and teal cotton threads woven throughout crushed velvet, paired with red, white and black sweat pants.  A delightful sight that kept me mesmorized for at least 2 minutes.  I know, Myra…it’s rude to stare, but I had to Go Tell It On The Mountain.  I was surprised by the number of men doing laundry.  Joy To The World!  Proof they really are capable of separating the lights from the darks. 😉

I Wish You A Merry Christmas and wish ME some new appliances.

Pool Closing

Normally, I use a garden hose to fill up my vacuum hose in order to drain the pool.  However, my plumber had turned off the water to the outside, so I needed to come up with plan B.  Someone gave me the idea to buy a cheap garden hose and then cut it into smaller pieces which would make it easier to siphon the water with my mouth.  Key words here…my mouth.  My friend Steve and I ran to Wal-Mart to purchase a 25 ft garden hose and cut it into thirds.

The next morning, I got up early and DUH it hit me…the vacuum hose is completely filled with water when I attach it to the skimmer and clean the pool!  All I had to do was weigh one end down and quickly run the other end outside of the pool.  It immediately began to drain.

I leave you with this visual after the following text message exchange…

Me: Luckily, I got my big hose to siphon.  I never got the little ones to work.
Steve: That’s good that you got it to work!  Weird though, you would think that the longer the hose, the harder it would be to suck.

Need I say more?  Keep it clean, Steve…keep it clean.

Have it your way! Eventually…

Another great fast food story.  Cut me some slack, my kitchen has been under construction for 2 months.

One evening, I was craving Burger King.  As I drove closer, I realized I only had $1.00.  My friend Mike was with me at the time.  “Can I borrow some money?”  No, he forgot his wallet at home, but had some spare change.  Not a problem… I’ll just use my credit card.  We pull up and wouldn’t you know it, there’s a big sign over the speaker:  CASH ONLY, CREDIT CARD MACHINE NOT WORKING.  Are you kidding me?  I remembered there was a bank down the street.  Of course, it didn’t have a drive-thru ATM so I parked, walked around the corner, got back in the car, and sat in line for the second time.

“Can I take your order?”  “Yeah, I’ll have one Spicy Chick’n Crisp Sandwich.”  “OK, that will be $1.05.  Please pull around.”  Mike goes, “Did you hear what she said?”  “No.”  “She said a dollar five.”

The sandwich was on the dollar menu!!  All I could do was shake my head and eat my Spicy Chick’n Crisp Sandwich (minus the mayo in case you were wondering.)

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

When you’re in the midst of a heated discussion, do you really listen to what the other person is saying?  If you’re anything like me (I mean most people), you’re too busy trying to think of ways to either a) express your point of view or b) defend yourself.  What a great principle…improving your communication skills by actually taking the time to listen.

Please note:  Throwing things during an argument makes it more difficult to apply this piece of advice.  In an effort to protect the innocent, no personal information identifying specific individuals will be disclosed without permission. 😉

What leads to road rage?

I’m sure I could come up with quite a few more, but here are some things that tend to “get my goat.”

– Whenever you’re running late, the car in front of you will always do 5 miles under the speed limit, you’ll hit every set of lights, or there will be an accident/road construction causing a huge backup.  If you’re REALLY lucky, all three will happen along the way.  The key is to always leave early which has never been in my nature.

–  When you have a mile to get into another lane before your exit, the car next to you stays even with you no matter how much you adjust your speed.  Hmmm, it could be that we’re extremely attractive…

– People refuse to use their directional until the last second…you know, right before you almost go barreling into their back end.  “OH, so THAT’S the street I need to turn on!”

– Spotting a good parking spot only to find out that a vehicle is so new and precious it takes up TWO spots.  You can only hope that a shopping cart will somehow manage to find its way towards the vehicle.

– Every car on the other side of traffic is perfectly spaced so that that you can never cross the intersection.  Just when you’re finally able to, a person on their bike comes pedaling down the sidewalk.  This happened to me on a daily basis while trying to enter the parking garage near work.  Yes, Jessica, I am obviously manifesting it. 😉  My solution?  I found a different parking garage where I didn’t have to cross traffic.

Feel free to comment on any other road rage factors!

Don’t make someone a priority in your life when you’re only an option in theirs.

This is one of my favorite quotes.  Take a good look at the people in your life…family, friends, co-workers, significant others, etc.  Stop making excuses for poor behavior, don’t accept less than what you deserve, and weed out the ones who only care about their own needs being met.  As my friend Patricia says, “A relationship should complement, not complicate.”  What a difference it makes when you’re surrounded by only those who bring out the best in you.  How sad that I am now all alone…HA!

A LONG run for the border.

My friend and I discussed Mexican food while laying out by the pool.  I decided Taco Bell would have to do since Chi Chi’s is no longer around (R.I.P. deep-fried ice cream).  Keep in mind there are about 50 authentic Mexican restaurants within minutes of my house, but I didn’t have it in me to do more than a non-authentic drive-thru.  There are two Taco Bells 5 minutes from me…a horse a piece if you will.  I chose the one 5 minutes going North.  Left the house at 7:15, got there at 7:20, and spent 15 minutes waiting in line.  I patiently waited (yeah right) and when I finally got up to the window, they told me the power had JUST gone out.  Are you kidding me?  I wasn’t about to let this little setback ruin the evening.  I proceeded to drive all the way to the other one and got home at 8:00.  In case you weren’t doing the math, allow me to do it for you.  I spent 45 minutes “thinking outside the bun.”

It’s not easy being green (or blue).

During a recent visit to the hospital, I was told that I was extremely anemic.  My iron counts were down to 3 when they should be around 40.  I asked the doctor, “What happens if it gets to zero?”  “Your body stops producing blood.”  Wonderful!  Whether or not that’s true, I wasn’t about to find out.  I opted to live and take the recommended IV iron drip.  During the procedure, my vein collaped and the iron infiltrated my arm.  What they neglected to inform me of was that iron under the skin STAINS the skin.  Forever.  Obviously, this was payback for making fun of the guy who ingested way too much colloidal silver and now looks like Papa Smurf.  I can’t tell if the Summer tan has helped the situation or if the light shade of grey has slowly started to fade, but I decided to make this my “something blue” when I finally get married.